Being Angry vs Being Firm

Anger is often used as a tool to gain control over other people, or to get what one wants. The definition of anger, as extracted from the Glossary of the I AM University website is: Anger - a loss of control and an attempt to regain it. Stems from attachment. Not looking at things as lessons and Spiritual tests. Not keeping bubble of protection up and operating out of reactivity instead of responding to a situation. All anger is negative ego. False sense of power which is really a complete loss of power and self control. Loss of control over others and attempt to regain it. (Corollaries of anger: frustration, irritation, aggravation, indignation, impatience, annoyance, etc.)

Often times, I am puzzled when people can be so proud of themselves when they say things like, 'I lost my temper and then they gave me what I want", "I was so angry with my spouse, so he apologised to me". Is one really perceived as a higher or better being when one uses anger?

In my daughter's child care centre, I have come to realise that some of the teachers use anger as a way to gain control over the toddlers. I found this out, when I was firmly telling my 2 year old daughter that if she wants something, she must ask nicely and that no screaming is allowed. She paused for a few seconds and then she said, "Mummy is angry."

I told her, no I am not angry, I am being firm with you. Then she said, "Mummy is not angry.' At that time, I wasn't 100% sure if the teachers tell the kids that they are angry just to get their attention. But a few days later, my daughter was playing with her dolls, and she lined them up and as I observed her, I realised that she was role playing. She pointed her finger at one of the dolls, and said to it, "No! Teacher is angry!"

It looks like there is going to be a lot of un-doing of her little mindset in store for us!

I learned through this experience, that indeed people use anger in so many ways to gain control. I also saw for myself, how people can perceive one's firmness & personal power as anger if they themselves do not own their personal power. My little daughter is far from understanding the concept of personal power and it is obvious that she has yet to differentiate personal power and anger.

To those who have realised unconditional loving balanced with power/firmness, may you shine your power so that others may follow....