Being Angry vs Being Firm

Anger is often used as a tool to gain control over other people, or to get what one wants. The definition of anger, as extracted from the Glossary of the I AM University website is: Anger - a loss of control and an attempt to regain it. Stems from attachment. Not looking at things as lessons and Spiritual tests. Not keeping bubble of protection up and operating out of reactivity instead of responding to a situation. All anger is negative ego. False sense of power which is really a complete loss of power and self control. Loss of control over others and attempt to regain it. (Corollaries of anger: frustration, irritation, aggravation, indignation, impatience, annoyance, etc.)

Often times, I am puzzled when people can be so proud of themselves when they say things like, 'I lost my temper and then they gave me what I want", "I was so angry with my spouse, so he apologised to me". Is one really perceived as a higher or better being when one uses anger?

In my daughter's child care centre, I have come to realise that some of the teachers use anger as a way to gain control over the toddlers. I found this out, when I was firmly telling my 2 year old daughter that if she wants something, she must ask nicely and that no screaming is allowed. She paused for a few seconds and then she said, "Mummy is angry."

I told her, no I am not angry, I am being firm with you. Then she said, "Mummy is not angry.' At that time, I wasn't 100% sure if the teachers tell the kids that they are angry just to get their attention. But a few days later, my daughter was playing with her dolls, and she lined them up and as I observed her, I realised that she was role playing. She pointed her finger at one of the dolls, and said to it, "No! Teacher is angry!"

It looks like there is going to be a lot of un-doing of her little mindset in store for us!

I learned through this experience, that indeed people use anger in so many ways to gain control. I also saw for myself, how people can perceive one's firmness & personal power as anger if they themselves do not own their personal power. My little daughter is far from understanding the concept of personal power and it is obvious that she has yet to differentiate personal power and anger.

To those who have realised unconditional loving balanced with power/firmness, may you shine your power so that others may follow....

Family gatherings a blessing?

We have been enjoying a festive season in Asia in the past few days. The Lunar New Year is a time for families and friends to get together not just for ethnic Chinese families but for other ethnic races too, especially here in Singapore.

Gathering together with families is not always easy for many people. Amidst the celebrations, inevitably there will be buttons pushed and emotional reactions from family members. Every year I observe this common phenomena within my own family and amongst relatives. The bigger the celebration, the more buttons will be pushed, the louder the voices as each person is trying to prove the other person wrong, and themselves right. These arguments do not just end there, gossips about the 'fight' will go on until the next family gathering.

It is so true that the people closest to us are our greatest teachers. For they reflect to us that which we need to heal within ourselves, and tests on so many levels are being dished out. At the end of it all, it is just the ego's game that is being played. Or rather we have all played into the ego's game.

As I observed the arguments or 'discussions' as they would like to call it, I noticed the body language, the veins popping up on their necks, their eyes fiery with irritation/frustration/anger, their loud poisonous words, their distorted facial expressions, I think to myself the negative ego sure has an ability to make everything look un-beautiful. I think sometimes people fall sick from festive celebrations not just because of over eating but really because of getting their buttons pushed and manifesting these less than harmonious rhythm within their physical & etheric/emotional/mental bodies. This is why I am not surprised that many people shun away from family gatherings during the festive season.

Despite all of these, I do see the good in family gatherings and festive celebrations. It allows us to celebrate our similarities, and our common goal to strive for harmony, peace and love. Despite all the arguments and ego fights, deep down within everyone there is a desire to want to belong, a desire to find common grounds.

The best thing about family gatherings is the opportunities it gives us to transcend the negative ego, the opportunities to move beyond getting our buttons pushed. To practice being magnanimous. And the opportunity to be the better example.

I look forward to the next festive celebration with my family and relatives because I know that achieving true harmony with our fellow human beings take tremendous amount of work. And the work really begins with self first.

Our family is truly our master teacher. And I am not giving up on my family!

The outer and the inner

Yesterday, my husband Toby observed that during our hour long lunch break at the food centre he saw over 20 ladies who were focused on their outer appearance in one way or another. I gathered that he meant they were either looking at themselves in their compact mirrors, adjusting their clothes or refreshing their make up in public.

Yes, we live in a world that focuses too much on the outer form and not on the inner essence. I think women (and some men) in general spend at least 1/3 of their income on things to beautify themselves. Not that there is anything wrong with this, but too much focus on this and not enough on nourishing and cultivating their inner self is causing imbalances that will take lifetimes to transform.

As a counselor, I have counseled many attractive and beautiful people (both inside and outside) who just cannot see what is there to love about themselves. Many dislike how they look, the shape they have, and so on......interestingly, the more they disliked themselves, the less attractive they became! Even when they have bought their beauty through a makeover, slimming centres and so on, there is still a void within that needs to be addressed.

Recently, I read an article that was written by a motivational speaker who advocates the importance of good looks and that it is one of the most important things in looking for a partner! And this article was in a mainstream magazine that is widely distributed. No wonder our world is so mixed up! The media from newspapers, television to movies have made such a big negative impact on the consciousness of humanity that people have totally lost sight of what is really important in life. Botox is as easy to obtain as a latte these days.

I am concern when people say to my daughter who is only two(!) that she is very pretty. It is not that I do not agree with them but what kind of a world is she growing up in when people place their focus on her outer beauty and not on her inner qualities? She is being 'taught' by the world that the outer form is more important that her inner essence.

Of course I do see the importance in dressing well (as in clean and presentable clothes), having a sense of style, having good hygiene practices, being healthy and so on but I certainly believe it is very important to keep these in balance by investing one's time and energy on cultivating one's spiritual psychological wisdom. What is the point in looking pretty if one is not exactly as deep as a well.

It will take many generations to reprogram mass consciousness on the importance of balancing the outer form with the inner essence. Not just as a lip service, but in a real and concrete way where people no longer have judgments about outer appearances. Where every shape and form is appreciated for its own unique beauty. Where there is no competition, comparison and envy on which is better.

We can hope but it really begins with us now. If we make the change within ourselves, we will make a more powerful impact on those around us and for generations to come.

The negative ego is a disease...

I recently had a very interesting encounter with a friend. On the conscious level, I know she enjoys our friendship, but on the subconscious level, there is always a need to compete and compare with me. On this occasion, she attempted to 'humiliate' me in public, putting me down in front of others. I immediately responded kindly to her and the matter diminished in seconds.

I began to see her with even greater compassion because of her discomfort in her own skin; that she needed to feel good about herself by putting others down. And I learned many lessons from this experience.

The negative ego with its negative programmings, behavior patterns, thoughtforms, feelings etc is really a crippling dis-ease. This dis-ease doesn't allow one to love self or others, it dis-empowers people, it makes a person go into moodswings, it makes a person suffer from superiority/inferiority complex, it makes people do foolish things, it creates confusion, it creates conflicts in relationships, the list of psychological dis-eases is really endless.

For the world to change and for peace to manifest, the human race must learn to get rid of this crippling dis-ease. There is no quick cure, but there is a way in which we can heal ourselves and that is through right thinking and not allowing our subconscious minds to be the pilot of our consciousness.

Anyway, my friend and I will always remain friends but I will be more mindful of her dis-ease.

The New Year

Every year I believe that the new year will be the best one yet. How can it not be, if my future in truth lies in the hands of God, and that I play just as an important role in co-creating it! New opportunities, new growth, new insights, new learning.....all part of the cycle of life just makes every new year or every new day for that matter interesting.

Every day, I write down one new thing I have learned about myself....this means that in the new year, I have 365 new things to explore within. I know that in understanding myself, I have a greater ability to understand others and this is something of great value that one one else can impart to me.

Then what lies beyond the understanding? I believe, action. So if I understand why I have a certain flaw or a certain good quality, then what can I do about it? So in the new year, I also have 365 new action plans to look forward to.

I may not make new year resolutions but the simple daily contemplations make each new year more exciting and inspiring.

2008 will be the best year ever! Happy New Year!

Vaccinations & Immune System

I receive many emails with the question on whether it is ok to vaccinate their child. I think this is a challenging question and many factors have to be taken into consideration.

We know that there is no such thing as infectious diseases just people with low immune system. But how do we get around this with children who do not have enough antibodies to fight the diseases? We are also aware that some vaccinations are more dangerous than the diseases themselves. And that sometimes, the vaccinations can cripple the good health of a child.

I understand where parents are coming from when they ask me these questions. I too, had to face them when my daughter was born.

Toby and I decided that we would go ahead with the vaccinations for diseases that are deemed more 'life-threatening' but we did try to delay them as much as we could, so that our daughter was getting her fair share of antibodies in her little body from the milk she was getting from me. After each vaccination, we cleared her energy system, and did some healing on her.

We, as adults may know how to work on improving our physical and psychological immune system, but we didn't see how a little baby could do that, even with our help. We are constantly clearing her energy system and chakras and even more so now that she is in child care, but she is still getting all the childhood coughs and colds every now and again. The doctor assured us that she is developing antibodies through this coughs and colds and that this will pass.

The world is still operating very much on fear based thoughts and feelings. And diseases are an offspring of this sort of consciousness. Any soul who incarnates on earth are not automatically immuned to these. Immunity on the physical and psychological levels have to be work on and developed. So, we as parents are not only starting our daughter with a program to develop her physical immune system, we are also training her to develop her psychological immune system.

There is so much debate going on about vaccinations. But I am sure that whatever decision any parent comes to will be the right one for their path and journey of life.

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Gift

This is one of my all time favourite quotes: "Your Talent Is God's Gift To You. What You Do With It Is Your Gift Back To God." -- Leo Buscaglia

I believe that everyone has a special gift, sometimes the gift/s may seem elusive, but if we persist, we will allow the gift to surface. It is quite mind boggling when I come across gifted/talented people in their own right, who will not acknowledge or are blind to their own talents. Worthiness issues often make people feel and think less of themselves.

On the other hand, there are also those who have an over inflated sense of self [which also comes from lack of self worth) where they think they are better than others at something when in truth they are not, and often are barking up the wrong tree. And their energies should be better spent on fulfilling their own life's mission and not someone else's.

Whatever the case may be, what is important for us is to keep trying and knowing when to pursue it and when not to. When I was a child, I was not particular good in drawing or painting but I refused to believe that I was not able to do it. When I was 13, there was a still life painting we had to do in school and the subject was tomatoes. I somehow felt inspired to do a good piece even though I didn't have any prior experience in still life painting. Maybe it was blessing and inspiration from my Higher Self and God, and I remember feeling this sense of excitement and energy within me knowing that I will be doing a great job. I was also literally feeling warm inside me. I completed a beautiful piece of water colour painting and was awarded an 'A' for it. It was also hung at the back of the class in our mini art gallery.

Later on, I worked as a designer in my own design firm and then pursued a career in copywriting for advertising agencies. I am not a trained copy writer but I knew at that time I was able to do this. Everytime I had a new project I would still myself (at that time I had no idea what meditation is) for a few seconds and allow the inspiration to flow. I consciously said to myself that I had to be still in order to experience this passion/fire/excitement inside me. And it has never failed me.

These experiences still continue to inspire me.

Of course, there were also other experiences in my life where I was barking up the wrong tree. And I learned after mistakes were made, when to stop pursuing them. However, these mistakes were also valuable for they helped me to learn much more about myself. I think the ability to be honest holds the key to admitting mistakes and letting something go...

To this day, I am constantly pursuing other gifts and talents I may have. Because we have limitless potential, there is so much to be explored.

Here's wishing you a joyous journey in pursuit of your highest potential! Namaste.

Personal Victory

I just like to share a personal victory - I completed my 1st half marathon - 21.lkm yesterday. It took me about 2 hours 22mins. The entire run was like a meditation as I kept my focus on my mantras and on many occasions have felt 'high' in my connection to God, spirit and the masters. Much better than an adrenaline rush! With God, spirit, the masters, my mighty I AM Presence, the power of my subconscious mind and my physical body, anything is possible!

I am now looking forward to my 1st full marathon (42km) in December.